OK Maybe I Was A Bit Harsh

i lay awake most of the night last night- something that happens when i have things on my mind that i would rather not think about. those things appear when the lights are off, the noise has dimmed and every one of my distractions (aka my team) has long gone to bed. i lay there thinking about the situation here, and how devastating it is, and how angry and heartbroken and frustrated i am about it. i wondered if i would have a crisis of faith- wondering where God is in all of this. i wondered if i would still be able to believe in a loving, merciful God after 5 months in a place where evil prevails. i wondered if i would ever be able to look at the world, or people, with hope again. i also thought about the email i just sent, where i made the mistake of accusing the entire world of looking the other way as the atrocities here continue. there is a huge part of me that is losing faith in mankind, and the world in general, but i know that not everyone is sitting back and letting this go on. i know a 3 year old boy, jadyn chomlack, who went around his church asking everyone for donations to buy toys for "the sad children in sudan". i know a 17 year old, michael garfinkle, who started a club at his high school to raise money and awareness. he has been yelling about what's happening here for as long as he has known about it. he's 17 and he knew more about darfur than i did until i got here. my friend aviva is now volunteering at a refugee youth centre and just took 2 teenage boys who are refugees from darfur to summer camp. she is telling everyone she knows about their stories and what they have been through. my friend judy's husband, john, is trying to get my emails published. the deal we struck is that he will do all of the work and i will use any profits to serve the people here. my sister melissa has been emailing everyone whose address she can get her hands on...from the local press to oprah. two women, teresa and melanie, who have been friends for 56 years and who have never met me are sending us packages and emailing to ask what the people here need and what more they can send. one of them told her hair dresser about us and her hair dresser has since refused to take any tips, asking that the money be sent here instead. Countless people have all taken time out of their lives to come here and serve the people. these people aren't jobless and looking for some entertainment- they are doctors, nurses, business professionals. they are putting their lives at home on hold for anywhere from 3 months to a year and coming to immerse themselves in a suffering that can't even be imagined in order to try to alleviate it somewhat. there are people out there who are doing what they can. the thing is, i know that if EVERYONE out there was doing what they could, this would end. if everyone was writing to the press, to the politicians, to the U.N., if everyone took to the streets to scream about the fact that nothing is being done, something would be done. you are all educated and you are all affluent (you may not think of yourself as affluent, but if you are reading this on your own computer, you have more resources than most of the world) and this gives you power. the people who run our countries put stock in what you say. you can all write letters. you can all hold fundraisers. you can all write a cheque. you can all tell everyone you know about what is happening here, and encourage them to get involved. many of you have skills to offer and could come here and volunteer.

my mother wrote in response to my last email, telling me that people want to help but they don't know how. i believe this. i also believe that we have moments of really wanting to help, but then we get distracted by life's little details and we end up doing nothing, in spite of all of our good intentions. i am the exact same way when i'm at home and am at a safe distance from these things. maybe this is why God has to physically drop me in the middle of these situations in order for me to actually do something. you can all contribute something, no matter how small or insignificant it seems. please search your souls, find out what is being asked of you, and give it.