Amy's Adventures in Darfur

I started this blog when I left for Darfur in June 2006. I was working as a midwife with MSF aka "Medecins Sans Frontiers" aka "Doctors without Borders" but this blog contains my own opinions and stories- not those of MSF. It is less political than I want it to be and I have been unable to post stories about certain topics due to the fact that this is on the internet and accessible to anyone. I wish I could tell you all of the stories but since I can't, I will tell you the ones that I can...

Friday, September 08, 2006

some of my favourite excerpts

i have been trying to go through all of my emails lately, to clean out my inbox before i leave. i can't help but read them all again and be reminded of how much you guys have supported me, in so many different ways, during this experience. some of you have donated money to msf and other organizations working here in darfur, some of you have faithfully prayed for me, my team and for the people of darfur, some of you encouraged me to stay and fight when i was ready to quit, some of you made me feel strong and brave (and cool :) enough to do this, some of you have sent care packages to keep my team sane, some of you have started to tell everyone you know of what is happening here. every single one of these things helps. all of you have made me feel that if I have accomplished nothing else here in darfur, the emails I have sent have accomplished témoignage- the ultimate goal. these are some of my fave quotes from your emails- in no particular order. i'm sorry that i couldn't include quotes from everyone as i erased a lot of my emails before i thought of writing this. if any of you want your names taken off, please let me know (i tried to keep ones that might be private anonymous).

from my mom:

***** donated $100 dollars of her hard earned summer money to World Vision in your name, ***** and ***** both made donations to MSF in your honour, as have **** and ****, and I can’t tell you how many others have said they are or have already donated, all fans of your e-mails! ***** told me today he wanted to help and asked where to send money and your Dad and I have made a donation to both MSF and to the world food program, and my siblings all say they are going to or already have done something

from cobie:

I am also going to have a fundraiser via a garage sale and all the proceeds will be going towards Darfur.

from kate (the poor Masters student :) :

i have zero dollars, no restaurant job to hold a fundraiser like for the tsunami and no community to ask for donations, like jayden's church, having just moved back. so, as pitiful as it might sound, i will write letters. ok? one, every day, by email to our prime minister, one by email to kofi annan and one, every couple days by mail, to the whatever he is called of sudan. i know it's not $ or food, but its what i have right now, time and outrage.

from judy (whose husband is also trying to raise awareness with my stories):

I am going to tell everyone to support MSF.

from jan:

I believe you are doing almost as much by writing about what is going in Darfur and opening our eyes (and hearts) as you are by being there. you are shifting the earth a little under our feet and making us understand that we really can and must do something

from zak:

All I can tell you in that it breaks my heart to hear the reality of what is happening there and drives me to fervent prayer for the people you are working with and for you.

from teresa (and melanie):

You and your team are in my prayers constantly. When I talk to God I tell Him that my request is for the Team in Darfur – you know, Amy Osborne – it’s the team she is working with. And on and on I go. I am sure He understands.

from jean:

I'm here if you want to dump anything now or later

from suzette:

If there is any room for those of us who are motivated to somehow send some food or medicine directly to the people there, please let us know. That's certainly what I'd like to do! (meantime, I can give to hungry people in my community in lieu of those in Darfur.) Otherwise, your previous msg. to me to contribute to MSF stands and that's where my newest charitable donation will go this year!

from melissa:

I emailed Philip Gourevitch who wrote the Rwanda book, Michael Moore, and Codepink the women's peace movement this morning about the Sudan. I noticed that Philip Gourevitch has already written one article about Darfur in the New Yorker so I am praying that this will help. I am exploring other options too, trying to find George Clooney's dad's contact info (he went to the Sudan and got written up) and some other ideas. Now I am off to buy some more food for the children of Darfur with a birthday gift. Yesterday my girlfriend got a donation through World Vision to the children of Darfur, today my friend's son is getting one. If you have any suggestions for anything that I can do that will accomplish more than just me sobbing every time I read my emails, I would get right on it- PS. I think it might be time to let GI Ames out.

from jill:

Amy, what can I do to help? Is there anything you or anybody needs out there that I can send? If I was to fundraise where could the money be sent? Each of your emails remind me of the importance of not only being aware, but more importantly how there is so much to be done in this world...and that I can do something about that. They make me realize that one person can make a difference in the world and that it’s so important to help others in whatever capacity we can

from jay:

I was planning on having a bracelet making party for Sudan tomorrow night. Keep fighting the good fight and remember there are so many who love you and support you and are praying for you!!!!! You are lifted up by the Saints and when you are too weak to even pray just rest in the prayers of those who love you around the world!

from jane doe (i'm going to keep her anonymous because it's a private email, but i love it so much i have to include it):

So I'm up at 3 in the morning thinking and talking to God about what you said......I can't go to sleep. hearing from you is changing and challenging (husbands name) and I. We both know we are made for so much more than decadent Northwest life. I've had a little pilot light burning in my heart to do missions, mostly it is kept small by my desire to have my kids actually grow up. I love being a mama, but motherhood has made me timid I'm afraid. There are no bribes or guarantees with God. What scares me nearly as much is raising children that think this is reality, that hear news and think a fleeting "oh how terrible", and never do a thing. So hearing from you has made me remember my calling and ask God when and how and that I could trust Him more with my children. Pray less for their safety and more for the heart of Jesus to burn in them. It breaks my heart hearing what's happening over there, it makes me terribly uncomfortable, and I'm thankful. I want to be unable to sleep in the middle of the night, not simply because of heartburn and #2 likes to kickbox me in the liver (6 weeks or so to go), but because there is so much brokenness in this world and Jesus is so needed and where are all the workers He's calling out, and why aren't I one of them?

from my friend's father:

Your letters make me want to become a real ambassador of Jesus, to redouble my efforts and use what is left of my life to make a difference.

from michael:

All the time I have put into raising awareness, getting petitions signed, and urging the government to take action, I can't believe that I know someone who is actually there and there to help

from a beloved friend (who recently lost her baby daughter):

Thanks for speaking to your comfortable western friends about these horrific things. Gets me out of my depression long enough to think of someone else and pray and do whatever small action I can to stand with you and them.

from dawn:

Ames, just to let you know we are praying for you - we had our annual retreat and prayed lots for you. You are in our thoughts often.

from colin:

You're opening my eyes to a world that was pretty much out of comprehension for me before.

from claire (who is flying all the way to kenya to meet me for my vacation and who asked if she could come here to help as well):

Ames. I want to be there so badly. It's making my heart ache. do you need medical supplies donated? there's been a good response for donated baby things...still want that? And money I'm getting money...what should I do with it?

from caz:

i have asked my home group to pray for you...and i have been too

from lina:

I was praying for you in the middle of the night last night when i couldn't sleep. bless your brave heart to be filled with God's love and grace and energy for each day

from aviva:

i share as much info that i can that i am learning from you.....i have looked more into doing a fundraiser and as soon as i stay in victoria for more than a week i am going to do more planning. your emails motivate me to take action.

from bethany:

you are in my thoughts and prayers and heart and yah- sometimes even my dreams. ha ha ha.

from tint:

i read this paragraph that made me think of you..."My aunt told me about a group of people in Guinea who carry the sky on their heads. They are the people of Creation. Strong, tall and mighty people who can bear anything. Their maker, she said, gives them the sky to carry because they are strong. These people do not know who they are, but if you see a lot of trouble in your life, it is because you were chosen to carry part of the sky on your head."

from mangs:

I know that you are bringing light there, you are. even though it might not feel like it, and it is
worth it. I am always praying for you. Anyway, I just wanted you to know that I started supporting msf , that IS something that I can do right now and that is something that helps me sleep at night.

from jessie:

i would give anything to fly and be with you right now. love and encouragement, joy and peace i am sending you,

from naiman (whose contribution is to make me laugh out loud every time she writes):

i'm also taking a course called Jewish responses to catastrophe. i think it'll be really easy because the response is usually "oy vey"

from two of my best friends (when i wanted to quit several weeks ago and asked for advice):

we think you should stay. What? Aaaargh! Right? And right now you're thinking, too late, I've already got my ticket to come home. Well, I think that would be ok too, just so you know. BUUUUT....if God called you over there, which you still feel He did in your heart, then that's the task before you, and all the things that are bothering you are things you and people who love you will pray for. I guess when He calls you to something, it's not always fun or pleasant, and at times you don't even feel like you can keep going. Cheesy, but that's when your love for God and your desire to let Him strengthen you through trial and your faith in His purpose for you over there has to kick in. Essentially, we feel your pain, and worry and pray for you, but we stick to my incredibly sage advice (lol) from before (did I really say that? I don't even remember it, but it's true) that you have to stay until you feel strongly called home. And with my vast psycho-analytical experience, I don't think you feel called home. I think you're just having a hell-ish time and you're exhausted beyond belief. To sum up, God called you there to serve Him. If He wants you to do this, ask for His help in all the ways you need it. Remember, BE SPECIFIC! And ask for a peace in your heart to come home when He wants you to.

from ryanne:

I have also passed your emails on to many people who have all responded....unusual, I don't always get responses.. Mom's who are praying for you, friends who ask what can we do? Some people who were truly in the dark about Darfur and have been inspired to find out more

from milena the atheist:

I STARTED PRAYING FOR YOUR SAFETY, I THINK JUST CROSSING THE FINGERS ISN'T ENOUGH ANYMORE

from mike and mandy:

You're in our thoughts and prayers. We pray that God guides your hands as you teach other midwives, catch babies & comfort and befriend other women.

from phil:

you are in my prayers...hang in there

from rachel:

Do you remember when we were in Squamish somewhere - You and I were walking along a one-lane road with a huge curve in it and we heard vehicles quickly approaching from both directions and it seemed a crash was inevitable. My first reaction was to close my eyes and look away and your first instinct was to jump into the middle of the road and hold up your hands hoping to attract the drivers' attentions before they collided into one another. I am always reminded of that day when I read about what you are doing places like Afghanistan and Sudan. You are jumping into the middle of the danger, holding out your hands and offering whatever help you can give

from jenn aka granola:

You have a responsibility to share what you are experiencing with everyone who can't experience it for whichever reasons. Please just promise me you'll feed the midwife so she can feed the women, don't starve the midwife.... be well. and sleep whatever it takes. sleep. if you have to break free and dig a hidden cave where no one knows, go there and sleep! I love you and miss you and want you to be full.

from hooles:

your stories spring tears to my eyes every time... I pray for your heart to be held in GREAT hands, loved, nourished and protected. You call us all to give more, to be more noble and to open our eyes.

from mayan:

You remind me of the ground i walk on and what it is to be a diligent, humble servant. I know that what compels you to go to the places you go and do the things you do is an awesome thing. I am so grateful you are in the world, and sometimes even in my personal world.
what can other people do to help?

from tanya:

I don't have much to say but want you to know that I'm thinking and praying for you.

from kate gem:

We all remember you in our prayers

from kathryn:

Continue......have faith in who you are, what you do, no matter what it is

from lindsey:

I am so grateful though that those women have you - they need a person to love and protect them and be an advocate for them. some days it's painful to hear the stories because a part of me demands to be there with you but is locked into this life of motherhood here and the other part of me is grateful for the excuse to not be there. i love you, I'm so proud of you, I'm inspired by you, and I cry and laugh with you.

from Christian:

I hope you find both increased faith and a sense of accomplishment for doing something that many people are too scared to do. I wish you health, safety and stubbornness.

from grubb:

I've been praying for you lots - and for the people there. I'm praying for the pregnant woman you told about who will deliver 'early'. Anyway I really appreciate having your list to pray over... many of these things I've already been praying for just by reading your emails. Oh and I'm already planning your next Africa trip for you, haha. I'm sure you don't want to think about it, so just leave it to me. :) Want to go to Liberia next year?

from efrat:

i just wanted to let you know that I miss you and love you, and hope that you are being as safe as you can. Please be careful from all the jackasses out there, and come home safely but when you are ready to.

Yaron and Adi: offered for me to come stay with them during my vacation time, to swim in a pool, sleep with air conditioning and have them feed me bamba till I burst J mmmm, bamba……..


and that, my beloved family and friends, is all. many of you have written sweet, beautiful, encouraging things to me and if they aren’t included in here it is because I didn’t want this email to be about me- I tried to choose the quotes that showed what you are doing, what you have done and how you have been affected. I included some of the ones about me simply because they were quotes that gave me strength, faith and courage when I needed those things in order to stay here. your contribution was to give the people here a midwife who could train them and who could continue to bear witness.
in response to your emails and to the qualities you have mistakenly attributed to me…. I ask you to know that if there is anything good that I have done here, it’s not of me as I am merely a flawed human being. anything good that comes of this trip is of God. anything good in me is of God.
much love and blessings,

Ames

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