never far enough away

cobie and geoff

some of the fam in happier times...geoff, markus, amy, julie, cobie

this was sent in July and I missed posting it....sorry!

yesterday and today were weird days. for the first time since i've been here i pulled out my 'geoff' shirt (the shirt that shannon had made for the memorial bbq) and put it on. i put it on inside-out so as to not have to explain to my team why i was wearing a shirt that says "in loving memory", with his name and a picture of a plane on it. i dreamt of him last night, and spent most of breakfast looking at the royal blue bracelet all who loved him wear, with his name, "forever flying" and the date of his death etched into it. i walked around all day feeling that familiar, deep-seated ache, not sure why i was feeling this way. no anniversary is coming up, no one here knows of him to mention him, i haven't been at a family dinner to notice his absence, i haven't much let myself think of him, or of any of my siblings, lately. the one year anniversary brought closure somehow, and the last few months have been a welcome respite after a year of feeling like i'd been hit by a truck. today i got two emails telling me that the fundraiser for his memorial scholarship fund was last night, and that it had gone well. i had completely forgotten about it, but it seems that even half a world away i'm still connected enough to have sensed something. it reminds me of that scene where truman is trying to explain to his wife that he wants to go to fiji because it's as far away as you can go before you start coming back again. darfur isn't just 10 hours away from my life in vancouver, it's centuries away- and sometimes it still isn't far enough for me.